True Colours

Every so often you come across a story, that makes you feel hopeful.  A tale that makes you realize that for all the horrible things going on in the world that there are still truly good and nice things to see and feel inspired by. My love of animals is no surprise to anybody who reads my blog or any of my social media accounts. I truly believe that they come into our lives to help and support us humans during difficult and averse situations we face , bringing us comfort.  This is the whole ethos behind The Black Dog Club 

Many years ago, probably when Duncan was a puppy, I first heard of "Smiley". 
Smiley was a golden retriever who was born with dwarfism and in addition was born blind. His eyes were sewn up to prevent infection. He spent is first two years of life in a puppy mill, living in awful conditions, until he was rescued by Joanne George, just before he was about to be put to sleep. He went on to find a forever home with Joanne and her family in her home on Ontario Canada. Joanne is a dog trainer. You can read more about her and her other dogs here. 

This is Smiley.. I am sure you can understand why Joanne and her family chose his name

Joanne found that Smiley really was quite a remarkable dog. He had a difficult start in life and at first  Joanne says she found things tough. After all he had been through she said that "He was nervous and had many anxieties abut coming into a home. He cowered at the sound of another dog eating and he had scars on his face and ears" This all told a tales of what it must have been like living with so many dogs in such awful conditions. Over time and with training Smiley became confident and happy. Joanne noticed that people were drawn to him and felt inspired by him. She realized that Smiley would make a great therapy dog and so his new journey began - he eventually became a St John's ambulance therapy dog - he had many friends and supported people with Autism and helped Children reading their books. He also visited many care homes to support the elderly. He was a shining light of hope to so many.

In August this year I read a post on Smiley's facebook page that made me really sad. Poor Smiley was diagnosed with Cancer and there was very little they could do for him in terms of treatment and he might not have long left with his family. I remember reading about him whilst on my way to Anglesey in September and just hoped that that perhaps, against the odds there would be a happier outcome.

Last Friday, I read an  update from Joanne, that he was quite poorly and they as a family  had reached a decision to let him go, rather than suffer any more pain.  I was absolutely devastated but what very clear to me was the love people felt all over the world for him and there was an outpouring of love on Instagram and Twitter for Smiley. On Saturday it felt like so many tears fell across the world as we all heard that Smiley was free from pain but sadly a lovely shining light was no longer with us.

As a tribute my first candle light on my Rainbow Bridge candle was for Smiley.

From a personal point, I have not enjoyed this week at all, I've been feeling out of sorts and a bit stressed which leads to my anxiety taking over . I found myself questioning why once again people can be so thoughtless and mean at times, but one thing that has kept me feeling hopeful,  was seeing the amount of people sending love to Smiley's family and sharing the stories of how he has helped so many people. Once again it is the love of an animal that gives so many people comfort. It also does good understand that for every mean person there are dozens of kind people like Joanne who rescued Smiley and gave him a happy home.

It is also amazing how dogs can adapt - we can learn so many lessons from them to help ourselves

For Dogs do not dwell in the past, they live only in this moment

Thank you Smiley for making so many people happy. Run free at the bridge xxx

You can support the work that dogs like Smiley do, by purchasing a special charity t shirt here which is in tribute to him

Straight from the heart

This week has been Pregnancy and Baby loss awareness week. They say that 1 in 4 Women will experience a miscarriage at some time in their lives. I have had two.

An Ectopic Pregnancy is a life threatening condition that affects 1 in 80 pregnancies. I have had one.

These are the medical facts, that when you go the Doctors are coded in your medical record, or when you go to the Hospital and as a female are often asked how many pregnancies you have had.

My heart, brain and the Mother in me, tell it to me differently. I have lost three babies. Three very much wanted babies. Babies that from the moment I found out where there, that I had names for, babies that I could not wait to see the scan pictures for, to share the good news with family and friends. Babies that whether they were a little girl or a little boy would have had an Everton kit bought for them. Babies that from the moment I found out about you, lived in my heart and that I had hopes and dreams for. Those babies are still in my heart and will forever have a place. What anybody who has been through this will tell you, is that that you never loose your Maternal instinct. It is not something that you can turn on and off like a switch. It is what it is and you learn to cope.

I am not alone in my losses. For pregnancy loss does not just affect one person, it affects the other person involved in that pregnancy too. The Husbands, Boyfriends, Partners, it affects them just as much too. Although for them, they often get forgot about. Which is sad because pregnancy loss is a bereavement just like any other loss. Please don't forget them in this they hurt just as much as the female does.

People find pregnancy loss a very difficult thing to talk about. It is thought of as a "taboo" subject and I truly believe that any words shared are not meant to hurt or make the recipient feel bad, but people are often cumbersome in their words, not knowing the right thing to say, and in some cases their words just bring hurt, anger and frustration in some cases even shame. The Miscarriage Association  started a campaign in August of this year focusing on this called "Simply Say" which focuses on this. As with anything in life, it's quite simple, be kind, show compassion. Sometimes, the easiest way is the best way, saying "I'm sorry".  I could share some of the stupid, insensitive things I have had said to me, but as I said,  I honestly believe people had the best intentions. That is why I am glad for campaigns like this as they raise awareness and make people think twice.

I will always write this blog from heart and I can truly say that going through these losses was hard, it hurt and whilst I often think I am "ok",  I can cope with this now, sometimes something will happen that completely floor you. Totally out of nowhere. For me that was tonight walking Loki and I was thinking of lighting my candle for the "Wave of Light". This is an international event which marks the end of baby loss awareness week, and millions of people light a candle for an hour to remember their losses and  it shows their solidarity with bereaved parents all other the world. It helps to know you are not alone.

So tonight you might see lots of candles and photo's on your social media, and this will be why. Be kind and be gentle, it is our way of remembering

I listed below some organisations that may help if you are going through this yourself or if you know somebody who might need their advice. I have ran the Great North Run for the Miscarriage Association and the Great Manchester Run for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. It was my way of giving back to them for the help they provided (they get limited funding) and they lobby too, to try and make changes. For example not every hospital offers a Bereavement Service for baby loss. I felt lost and alone when I was diagnosed with Ectopic Pregnancy and got all my advice from their website and helpline. The same when I lost my second baby at three months. The Miscarriage Association were amazing. Now the Women's here in Liverpool have a great support service called the Honeysuckle Team. There was a debate in Parliament this week about this and why there is not equity across the UK.  Please if you can give them your support

Sending much love to my friends that I know are feeling sad tonight too - I am thinking of you x

I write this and light my candle tonight for Liam, Erin and Seamus xxx

Organisations that can help: 

The Miscarriage Association

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Aching Arms

SANDS

Honeysuckle Team Liverpool Women's

Words

Social Media can be a great thing . It really has changed the world in many ways, making it a more connected place. It can be a great way of keeping in touch with people, learning from like- minded people and sometimes making new friends/connections. If you suffer from depression or anxiety sometimes the constant stream of photos and status showing other peoples seemingly "perfect" lives can leave you feeling flat or alien like. You are left feeling like your own life is some how inadequate and everybody else's life is better than your own. It can be very hard to remember that like anything in life, you never truly know what is going on behind those pictures or status updates, but  depending on your mindset it can be easy to take it as gospel. Sometimes you read comments and opinions that  may not mirror your own values and  it can either make you feel excluded or it can make you angry, upset or distressed . I can take or leave social media, I know there are times that I need to switch  off from it but equally there are  times when I can loose myself in it. I personally will always be an " Instagram " girl as I love looking at some of the amazing photo's and creations on there.

The purpose of this blog post is a Twitter statement that I read last week, that frankly horrified me. I am not going to give that person the satisfaction of quoting their tweet or naming them (as quite frankly it appeared to me they enjoyed the controversy they created as it was boosting their profile -  yet another downfall of the use of social media) but I was shocked and appalled by what I felt was quite a dangerous thing to say. We are very correctly all entitled to our own opinion on things but something really upset me about this. You see this person who has some publicity through their sporting role, randomly put a tweet out to say how Depression simply "was not a real thing". That all that was required to get over depression was a life style change. More damaging was their opinion that you simply needed to "man up" and get on with life. This was to me, so damaging and in the midst of all the good work that so many have been working hard to achieve to break down stigma around mental health. What was encouraging was the amount of people that stood up to this person and pointed out facts about depression which quite frankly are from medically qualified people who know their stuff and were very clear about how real it was. What was really scary was the people who counter argued who agreed with the opinion that depression was'nt real,  and in  was a made up illness by Pharmaceutical companies to make money. That somehow these people were wallowing in self pity and needed to "get a grip".

So I felt it important to put out a few facts about Depression. When I was doing my post grad , we were all told the importance about using and citing credible sources in our work. So for this post I have made sure I have included where every possible credible sources and also I speak from my own experience, as a person who suffers with depression and anxiety. I have learnt much from the health professionals who have supported me through the years so that I can indeed learn to manage my own mental health.

NHS Choices  explains fully all about Clinical Depression. It is a very real illness and to quote them telling somebody to "pull themselves" together is simply not helpful. Many people will experience depression in a number of ways. Some people may not even want to get out of bed , some people may not be able to sleep. Some people will feel they can't face going to work, others may absorb themselves in their job and eventually burn out. Some people may feel so low they can't face eating, others will over eat as it brings them comfort. We are all different and we all experience things very differently. However what every person going through a dark time will tell you is that it is very, very real. You may  need help to face it, you may  need help to recover and you will need understanding and compassion from everybody as you slowly do what you need to do to start to feel better and sometimes you have to learn to live with it. There will be times you are alright  and feel you can take on the world, but other times you will just want to shut the door and hide under the duvet - depression can often sneak back up on you when you least expect it

So let's tackle this nonsense about meds... when you have a chest infection or when you have some other health issue you may need treatment in the form of medication . I am Asthmatic -  no one would every dream of telling me not to take my prevention  inhaler every morning and night, as somebody invented Asthma to make the people that make the inhalers rich would they? Sometimes you need these drugs just to get you on an even keel to make our mind "re-set" to start us on the road to recovery 

Anti-depresssents contain chemicals called neurotransmitters that help improve our mood. Sometimes these are also used to treat other conditions such as PTSD and Anxiety. Please don't take my word for it, this is sometime our NHS advise to help people

Lifestyle change can help. I have made so many over the last eight years.  So for example I run when I can, I go to yoga,  I don't drink Alcohol (a natural depressant and it makes me feel lousy the next day), I have a dog (he enforces the exercise thing and just having him close reassures me)  I have tried talking therapy, I have tried Cognitive behavioral therapy. , I try and practice mindfulness. I basically try my very best to function the best I can, to enjoy my life the best I can  and not be a burden on the people who look after me.  What is very clear to me though was when I first stated suffering with this was how very real it is and I used to feel embarrassed about mentioning this. It has got easier over time, (I am older now and just say it these days)   but that post last week brought it all back, the shame I felt over how I was feeling and reading some of the comments really upset me, as I worried if other people felt like that then what hope do we every have of breaking down the stigma completely?

I am not a Royalist at all but this week Prince William came to Liverpool. I don't mind Harry and William :) I am a big fan of everything they are doing to support the work around helping remove all the preconceptions about Mental Health. He opened up The Life Rooms in Walton which has all sorts of courses and facilities to help the community and those having issues with their mental health. This really did make me feel that we are winning the battle on breaking down stigma. What also made me happy was the he visited Merseyside Dogs Home to see what work they were doing with matching dogs to people as therapy dogs to provide them with help to recovery

Picture from Merseyside Dogs Home Twitter feed

He even spoke about how his own Dog Lupo helps bring him a lot of comfort.

I feel that if we have enough people speaking out and feeling they can be honest about their experiences without people saying unhelpful things, then in the future, no one will every have to feel ashamed to admit they have depression and we will not longer feel they have to fight to explain why it is very real

If you are reading this and feeling low, then please believe me when I say, somebody will always listen and somebody will always care.

If you need help you can always contact your GP but in an emergency  the following organisations

Mind 

The Samartians  can help offer immediate support

You can also self refer to Talk Liverpool 

Heads Together is Harry, William and Kate's initiative to break down the stigma attached to Mental Health Issues

Diamond Dogs

In the UK today it is "National Dog's Day" a day to celebrate all dogs, whatever their pedigree or where they came from.  I just knew that the perfect topic today then, should be all about a "Girl's best friend" which in my eyes will always be a dog (you can keep your diamonds).
I have always loved every variety of animal but, dogs... well they are very special. My Mum was forever having to tell me not to touch strange dogs, in case they bit me. I'm lucky that the only dog bites I have every had are puppy nibbles when they are learning the rules. I have never grown out of it wanting to pet dogs . I am now a lot older and I still say "Hello" to any dog that I see. I really cannot help myself.
My friend Suzanne was chatting to me before yoga a few weeks ago, and she told me that she does'nt understand how on earth I ended up in my current job role. I have to admit neither do I. I always wanted to be a Vet but alas I never had the  brains required for that role. So, having pets is the next best thing I can do really to keep me happy .There  have been so many lovely dogs over my lifetime that have shone brightly that today I want to tell you about them all.
My first memory of dogs was my Great Nan's dog Timmy, a boxer dog who I remember always sniffing under her back kitchen door whenever we first entered the house. Timmy was one of many boxers that my Great Nan owned. My Nan would tell me many stories of their holidays in Wales with whatever Boxer they had at the time, and her eyes would light up.
The next dog I can remember was my Dad's dog, Ceaser, who was a black Labrador and who obviously made a great impact on my choice of dogs as an adult. Ceaser was my Dad's gun dog and he lived with my Nan and Grandad, in Wexford Ireland. He really was a remarkable dog. He would be very protective of my Mum when she was pregnant with my brother Paddy and would walk beside her up the steps to the house in Ireland (there were no railings and it was a step fall) protecting her in case she fell. If my cousin Richard or I went to the gate and decided we would like to venture out on to any of the country lanes - he would bark, and bark until somebody came to see what was happening. He would play for hours with us and I loved him a lot. My Dad's eyes still glisten if we ever talk about him.
Duke 
My Dad is another dog lover and that is how we ended up with Duke. My Dad turned up at our house one Sunday night with a little tiny white dog that would simply not stop barking. My Dad presented me with him, told me his name and said, "this is another pet for you to look after, he needs a nice owner" and then went back to the pub! It turns out that as my Dad was having his pint, he watched this man kick his dog and for a good half an hour, he watched him being mean to him and mistreat him. I don't really know what happened but my Dad apparently told him that if he did'nt stop harming the dog - then he might decide to give him a taste of his own medicine! Duke never went back to that horrible man and lived with us for the next 10 years. He was half a jack russell, half  bull terrier and an ugly little thing, but he had a big heart. He was so loyal to me, any man who came near me whilst we were out walking , would be watched with great suspicion. His favorite past time was swimming in Newsham Park lake. Once he went in there that was it, it took hours to get him out . I don't have many photo's of him but I found this rare one of him a few years ago - you can just see him behind my brother and me having his dinner on top of our self made rabbit hutch (another abandoned pet we took in).  I used to walk for hours with Duke and he used to have a special way of making sure I only crossed the road when he thought it was ok - he used to put his paw over my foot and move it when he thought it was ok to go!

Duke 

Snipe 

My dad got Snipe when I was 22 and had left home. He came from the Wirral and his breeder was apparently John Ebberel's uncle (Ex Everton Player). Snipe was a Springer Spaniel and as mad as a hatter. He used to shake with excitement and was quite possibly one of the sweetest and most sensitive dogs I have ever known. In 1999 our Mum was diagnosed with Cancer and whilst she was in hospital, some scum bags broke into my Mum and Dad's house and when we got home , the thing that broke my heart the most was not that things had been stolen but how scared poor Snipe was. He was the first dog I ever started buying Christmas presents for and wrapping them up for him on Christmas day and he was always the first person I went to see when I got to my Mum's every Saturday. Every time I see a Springer I always smile as I think of him.  He lived a grand life and passed away at a great age at my Dad's feet in the house he loved. I was heart broken when he told me and my Dad said he would never get another dog as he was so upset. I was on the metro one day in Paris and I got a photo picture of my Dad with two border collies sitting on his knee. Two sister's called Dotty and Daisy. He ended up with both of them as they were the last two puppies in the litter and he did'nt have the heart to split them up.

Snipe

Snipe and a very 90's me 

Dotty and Daisy - my Dad's two border collies as puppies 

Duncan

I have written so much about Duncan that there is nothing really more I can say about him other than I named him after my hero, and he really became one of my biggest hero's ever in my life. I will always be eternally grateful to have had him in my life. I was lucky enough to be able to tell Duncan Ferguson all about him a few years ago too 

Duncan as a puppy :) 

Loki

Loki is my special spirited independent sweet puppy. He loves his snuggles but is very similar to me and likes to spend time on his own too. He loves to go off in our back room and chill out to come back to me after a few hours for cuddles.  He loves his walks, and is a bit of a diva. He will tell me that he thinks it's time to go out, and he will remind me when he thinks it is time for his dinner too. He is very clever and unlike Duncan who I gave up trying to train, is up to his gold award for Good Citizen. I really hope to pass the therapy dogs course with him as he really does make everybody smile. Every body deserves a bit of "Loki Love" as he is really so sweet and sociable.

He came from Whiston and was one of ten puppies. The lady Julia who we got him from, was really kind to me, as I had told her the story about Duncan and she agreed to keep him for me until I was ready to pick him up, a week later he came me to live with us. I have kept in touch with Julia and I will always send her pictures of Loki every Christmas eve and on his birthday every year, as Loki's Mum is her pet Holly. Julia's children called Loki "Ralph" originally after the film "Wreck it Ralph" and he occasionally get's called that. If you saw my back kitchen "door" you would understand why!

Loki has also seen my through some bad times. He means the world to me - his favorite trick is trying to lift my head up off the floor when I am doing Yoga moves. I guess that's his way of telling me to keep my chin up :) 

Loki and Me at our favorite Island Anglesey

How could you not love that sweet little face?

Loki and his Cousin Cooper 

I also sponsor a Dog's Trust Dog and also a Guide Dog. I think I am on to about my sixth guide dog. I am also hoping to sponsor a Dog's for Good  later on this month. As these dog's are invaluable to the people who are gifted them - helping them remain independent and in control of their own lives, which is amazing. 

I have to finish off today's post by sharing some pictures of my favorite cartoon puppy... Pluto. I missed Loki so much when we went to California this year, that I spent a lot of time petting other people's dogs. However when we went to Disney, I could'nt resist having a cuddle :) 

Please all give your puppies a special hug from me this evening :) 

The Black Dog Club

Earlier this year I was on the way to the match and browsing my phone in my brother's car as normal when I saw some news on Facebook that made me burst out crying. My Friend Nicola put a facebook status on to say her lovely cat Teddy had passed away at a young age.

I was so shocked and upset for Nicola as I knew that she had got Ted during a time when she needed a special friend to bring some light to her. I was immediately taken back to when we lost Duncan. His story is here for all to see and how he was the brightest light ever in a very dark time for me. I still miss him so very much and am thankful forever for his unconditional love and kindness - something that a lot of people in my life at that time failed to show me  and he really was a lifeline. I am probably still here today thanks to him (and my husband)

The best thing to do when you are grieving I have found is to try and turn that grief into something positive. For me I have always ran, I have ran to raise money when we lost Duncan for Canine Partners and I ran the Great North Run in 2014 to raise money for the Miscarriage Association following the loss of our three babies. Nicola decided to design a pin and launched a Kickstarter campaign to be able to raise the funds to make a badge in tribute to Ted. The campaign was a success and Nicola made not only one but two badges featuring Ted. The one below is the one I have been wearing everyday as I love the sentiment of it and it gives me a little boost looking at it each day!

I also had become a little obsessed with Pins over the past few year or so. I blame the Lucky Dip Club for this as I had been getting some gorgeous pins each month with my subscription and due to the various pin related hashtags on Instagram had been adding to my collection and sporting them on my back pack,  on my jacket's, even on my work lanyard to cheer me up.  I was always seeking out pins featuring dogs but could never find one that I really liked.  I had spoken to Nicola about it and she said we could collaborative to do something together. Given that I have zero drawing skills this was brilliant as she really is the talent behind the campaigh! I came up with an idea to ask Nicola to design a badge with Duncan on but the concept of the pin should focus self care, mental health awareness and the help that Pet's can bring to people in sad times.  On my way home from California  I was feeling a bit low after an amazing holiday and just before the plane took off from Georgia,  Nicola sent me the first design of Duncan and our Black Dog Club Pin. I was totally blown away and couldn't wait then to start planning our campaign

If you are not familiar with Kickstarter, it is similar to crowd funding, and it basically is a way to raise the money to produce your creative idea, by people "pledging" to buy your product in advance. Our Kickstarter has featured a number of stretch goals, so we hope to create a number of pins, and give people some choice as to what pin they might like. However it doesn't matter what pin you choose everybody will get a postcard with some self care guidance on which you can keep or pass on to a friend who might need it.

Our Black Dog Club Self Care Postcard 

Our campaign ends on Wednesday and we have been lucky enough to have enough pledges to be able to make our original pin, our two stretch goal pins - we are just short 42.00 of our latest stretch goal to get this pin made which is a very special pin featuring both Duncan and Ted- it would be amazing if we could get this one made as a little tribute to two very special pets

Exceptionally Ordinary

"Life is what happens, when you're busy making other plans" is one of my favorite quotes by John Lennon. It is certainly true and especially true in in this blog's case! So, Hello, long time no see! It's Sam here, the girl who has not put fingers to keyboard for this blog since December 2013. (Yikes)

It is quite weird really as I find writing really helps me and it is something I have always done, and so it is probably not a surprise that during a time where my anxiety is back to an all time high, and I am not really feeling so great, that I have decided to fall back into it. You will see that I have renamed the blog and had an amazing logo  designed by the lovely "Cutie and the Feast" who I've collaborated on with an exciting Kickstarter campaign. (More on that later)

So why "Exceptionally Ordinary"? Well, my favorite Harry Potter character is Luna Lovegood , both in the books and in the films. She reminds me a little bit of myself and I always think people see me in a certain way, when in fact I'm not that person at all - this pretty much sums up Luna and me.

If you have a look at my new logo you will actually spot that little shout out to Luna I am sure!

Luna fixes Harry's broken nose with magic and when he ask's her how he looks she tells him "Exceptionally Ordinary" which makes me smile. Harry Potter after all does indeed look very ordinary.. but there he was worried about looking a little bit different following his broken nose, when in fact, he is nothing but ordinary but rather exceptional. He is in fact the boy who lived ...

Underneath it all we all have something that makes us special, or unique - we are all Exceptionally Ordinary whether we know or not.

So there you have it... I am back with a new logo, new name and lots of new ideas.

Sam x

December Review 2013

Yes it's been a long time again since October and my blog has been neglected again. November was a nightmare , if I am being honest it was not the nicest of times for me or for my husband. So, for that reason, I don't want to review November 2013 as it was a sad time and I can't think of anything nice that happened at all and so therefore I'll skip,that month. One day I will write about it but not now...

To be honest the first two weeks of December pretty much passed by in a blur to for the same reason and that is a pity as it is one of my most favorite times of the year. I did get to smile some bits though so here goes ...

We celebrated another of Ped's birthdays with a home made cake 

Met Thor the Reindeer 

Loved Seamus Coleman more and more 

Took Loki to see Santa Paws at the RSPCA 

Put up the Christmas Tree - much to Loki's confusion 

Dressed up Loki for his first Christmas 

Was late to the party but discovered "She and Him" just in time for Christmas

Made my first fruit Christmas Cake (still to be tasted) 

Loved my sparkly converse from Santa 

And camera 

Wrapped up for winter walks as weather  starred getting colder 

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas with the people you love x 

Funny how time flies......

I''ve been a lazy blogger and if you do happen to read this... not sure anybody does (and even if you don't it is a nice on line diary for me) then sorry it has taken me so long to update this. There are very good reasons which I may go into one day, for for now worry not.. I'm back with a combined September/October review (early for October I know) but I am in the mood to get something down on on the inter-web so here goes

In September I...

]

Finished the first Harry Potter book, and loved it 

Enjoyed my home grown tomatoes 

Realised  how big Loki is growing 

Learnt to crochet Granny Squares thanks to the Happy Hookers 

Finally got to watch "Silver Linings Playbook" and loved it

Went back to Anglesey and enjoyed a hot weekend at the end of September 

Went to see Wicked in Manchester 

and sadly (or luckily) 

Was not successful in gaining a London Marathon place 

Felt like it was finally goodbye to the Summer when we left Llandudno to head home after our break 

And so far in October ....  

Ran...a lot .... 

Wirral 10k 

Beat the Reaper 10K 

Watched all five Series of "Breaking Bad" 

I also  

• Went back to night school to make beaded jewellery, but have yet to complete anything (thanks Breaking Bad) 

That's it for now .. I am sure that I will have forgotten something but I promise not to leave it so long next time 

Sam x