In 2009 I was in such a bad place, an ectopic pregnancy left me shattered and years of stress in work took a toll on my mental health and I suffered what I can only describe as a break down. One day a therapist told me a story to help and mentioned in it about how this man he knew took his dog out everyday for fresh air and to keep his mind from wandering and I started thinking of dogs myself. We had dogs as kids, abandoned ones out of pubs, some pedigree dogs and I had wanted to be a Vet at some stage and work with animals but adolescence, Everton and going out got in the way. I seriously was not that clever anyway. My sister coincidently had mentioned seeing puppies for sale in Lister Drive fisheries - black labrador's no less. These are my very favorite dog and so felt tempted to go and have a look. My husband Ped had always said we should get a dog but I was never sure we should. This time was different - I went to Lister Drive got the number and unfortunately found all the puppies had gone. I rang Ped who also felt disappointed but said to "go find us a puppy" and that Thursday afternoon I did just that.
I came across an advert for chunky lab puppies from a Liverpool location. I always remember a picture of three puppies sitting on a wall black, yellow and chocolate. I rang the number to find they were based in Kirkby but had one boy left - a boy, (great) black colour (even better) and the lady said I needed to ring her husband. It turns out the litter of puppies were due to a dalliance between a trainee police dog and one of the police dogs on holiday training from Ireland. Being off Irish heritage this was perfect. He said he would keep hold of him being a scouser and we could come to see him that night. I started to panic then... How could I get a dog in my current state? How could I cope with training him and would we manage when I went back to work? This panic changed quickly.
I rang Ped who was just as excited and said we would go to look. This makes me smile as I had already drawn the money out the bank in Kirkby town centre on the way to the house. The first thing I remember about Duncan is him coming round a corner with this big floppy paws far to big for him and proceeding to play with the family's massive grey hound not in one bit scared or bothered.
I sat there staring at him and I looked at Peter - he looked at me and half an hour later we were walking out that house in Kirkby with a puppy and a bag of dog food. Our life had changed forever
Once I had Duncan home things began to improve for my mental health quickly... The therapists were delighted I had a dog, something to focus my attention on, work were made up, and he was adorable .. Probably the cutest puppy ever.
He was brilliant and he opened up a whole new life for me . It didn't matter how crap I felt - he needed to be trained, walked, fed. I began to sleep for the first time in months, the memory that stands out most is that Ped got into the Wire round this time and I used to fall asleep cuddling Duncan. Every night without fail - up until the day before he died this would continue but more of that to come.
Duncan grew up fast, When we got beat at Wembley 2009 v Chelsea my first thought was "i want to go home to the dog". He made everything seem better. I went back to work and the second day back I found out I was pregnant. My first thought was shock and felt like it was some kind of miracle after the ectopic. For three months I had Duncan and Ped by my side every step of the way- that summer was warm and I worked short weeks due to feeling sick and he was always there if Ped wasn't. He never left my side. When we found out at our three month scan they baby had died we were devastated and again I just wanted to go home. I won't go into detail but that dog showed Ped a different side to him and he never left either of our sides at an absolutely awful time in our life that no one should have to go through. I'm not sure what would have happened to my mental health if I didn't have him.
Just after Duncan's first birthday we were dealt another blow. Duncan had a few things happen - he collapsed a few times - always on poor Ped - but he eventually came round and the vets said he was fine. Watching Glee one night and he was sitting on me as normal and I became very aware that his heart was literally pounding out of his Chest. I rang the vets and luckily the vet on duty agreed with us and couldn't believe he was as lively. She also thought she knew what was wrong with him and said she would keep him in and refer us to a Cardiologist.
The next day we went to see Simon Swift at North West Surgeons in Runcorn. He tested Duncan with a 24 hour ECG tape and diagnosed him with Wolfe Parkinson's White. A heart disorder causing tachycardia. He said it could be controlled using tablets and hopeful we left grateful that he could be treated (surgery was also an option later but this was the first line of treatment)
At first he reacted really badly to the two sets of tablets - he was so poorly and thin with weight loss over 5 days that I thought we were going to loose him. After the Simon's advice he went down to one of the tablets and after a week or so we got our old puppy back. Life however again was different .. He had episodes every so often and he had a monitor tape twice yearly - always taped up in blue in respect to his Everton roots
After a while he was also put on new tablets - these tablets gave him 1 and a half years with no episodes at all - I think I remember one where his heart felt a bit fast but he was great and apart from the general things dogs get had the quality of life he deserved. For me Duncan changed so much, walking him ever night I got a sense of well being, I noticed the seasons, and actually took pleasure out of them. He kept me company when Ped worked, kept me happy with how he gave so much love back and made me laugh with his quirky ways... He loved Lush bath bombs, hated being groomed, loved to jump up and be friends with everybody, loved to snuggle with us. He actually licked away any Tears I shed, watched me patiently while I baked, sewed, or made Jewellery and knew he couldn't mess with the christmas tree. When the time was right he would climb up on the sofa snuggle up and both of us would be out like a light. His best habit was knowing the time in the evening and barked at me until I took him out. He used to physically nudge my arms away from typing on computer to get me to notice he needed something and knew the ipad closing between 6.00 -7pm meant Walkies. He inspired me to start doing photography again, everything I am today is a lot to do with him, the impact of that breakdown, my recovery - it's all a lot to do with the past four years or so. We even took holidays in Wales because we knew we could take Dunc with us - Clever dog to get a human sorted eh?
And so to October 2012 - a month later than planned Dunc had to have his six monthly monitor. It was a bit of a disaster as his monitor came off and he hated it but at first the message was he was ok but his blood tests were a puzzle. Long story short, it turned out the tablets were making his platelets low and therefore we had to put him back on the ones that he was on initially that didn't control it as well as we wanted. I sobbed that day, as I knee this would mean he would have episodes and I hated seeing him in pain.
New Year's Eve as the fire works went off he had his first one and then one a week later. Stupidly we got to March and I thought how made up I was that he hadn't had any episodes , how stupid to have allowed my mind to do this. Two days after I had successfully finished the half marathon he had a episode. I found him collapsed half way near his top step on the stairs and when i asked if he wanted a biscuit and he did'nt react i knew he was'nt well - Ped had to carry him down and I remember lying on the floor doing his massage in his neck and eyes and eventually his heart slowed. It took it out of him I could see but a day or two later was back to normal running round in the snow. i knew I was off first week in April and made a mental note to call Simon and get his monitor done. Sadly that day won't come because on Thursday, when Ped came home he had another episode but somehow and I can't comprehend how, he passed away in Ped's arms. A few minutes before he had been playing with Ped and he just went again and never came out of it. I don't know why it happened as it is meant to be very rare but he had been sick the night before and had woken me in the night. I'm hoping it wasn't connected and that his last day he wasn't sick or in any pain. I told him I loved him that morning (i did everyday) and gave him a big cuddle and extra biscuits. The last time i saw him alive he was on his bed, ears pricked up watching two dogs take their owner for a walk. I realised in the car I had left my soup by the front door and I am gutted now I didn't make Ped turn around so I could have seen him one last time. I hope he knew how much I loved him and I am so sorry I was there at the end... I feel somehow that I as his human Mum let him down but he had Ped with him and I know he loved Ped so much.
I've got to be honest, my eyes are sore from crying, life seems frankly shit and lacking in colour without him - I feel like I've lost one of my best friends and the pain I feel in my heart is awful. I can't believe our fun, naughty, sensitive, happy, loyal and wonderful pup has gone after such a short time. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe our feelings. I only hope when he passed he wasn't scared and wherever he is now that he is ok - I am worried he is confused, lost or thinks we have abandoned him. They say life is cruel - it's down right wicked to have taken our boy from us.
I have written this story not for personal pity or sympathy but to tell his story.. He deserves everybody to know what a wonderful and amazing animal that he was.
And so Duncan I know I've told you a million times but seriously you were the bestest puppy a girl could want and we were privileged to have been able to share with you your journey here. We miss you with all our hearts.. Nil satis nisi optimum boy.... Till then it's just a little good bye till we meet again. Cause I know when our journey has finished you will be there at the bridge watching and waiting. Love you puppy dog... Love you xxxxx
