True Colours

Every so often you come across a story, that makes you feel hopeful.  A tale that makes you realize that for all the horrible things going on in the world that there are still truly good and nice things to see and feel inspired by. My love of animals is no surprise to anybody who reads my blog or any of my social media accounts. I truly believe that they come into our lives to help and support us humans during difficult and averse situations we face , bringing us comfort.  This is the whole ethos behind The Black Dog Club 

Many years ago, probably when Duncan was a puppy, I first heard of "Smiley". 
Smiley was a golden retriever who was born with dwarfism and in addition was born blind. His eyes were sewn up to prevent infection. He spent is first two years of life in a puppy mill, living in awful conditions, until he was rescued by Joanne George, just before he was about to be put to sleep. He went on to find a forever home with Joanne and her family in her home on Ontario Canada. Joanne is a dog trainer. You can read more about her and her other dogs here. 

This is Smiley.. I am sure you can understand why Joanne and her family chose his name

Joanne found that Smiley really was quite a remarkable dog. He had a difficult start in life and at first  Joanne says she found things tough. After all he had been through she said that "He was nervous and had many anxieties abut coming into a home. He cowered at the sound of another dog eating and he had scars on his face and ears" This all told a tales of what it must have been like living with so many dogs in such awful conditions. Over time and with training Smiley became confident and happy. Joanne noticed that people were drawn to him and felt inspired by him. She realized that Smiley would make a great therapy dog and so his new journey began - he eventually became a St John's ambulance therapy dog - he had many friends and supported people with Autism and helped Children reading their books. He also visited many care homes to support the elderly. He was a shining light of hope to so many.

In August this year I read a post on Smiley's facebook page that made me really sad. Poor Smiley was diagnosed with Cancer and there was very little they could do for him in terms of treatment and he might not have long left with his family. I remember reading about him whilst on my way to Anglesey in September and just hoped that that perhaps, against the odds there would be a happier outcome.

Last Friday, I read an  update from Joanne, that he was quite poorly and they as a family  had reached a decision to let him go, rather than suffer any more pain.  I was absolutely devastated but what very clear to me was the love people felt all over the world for him and there was an outpouring of love on Instagram and Twitter for Smiley. On Saturday it felt like so many tears fell across the world as we all heard that Smiley was free from pain but sadly a lovely shining light was no longer with us.

As a tribute my first candle light on my Rainbow Bridge candle was for Smiley.

From a personal point, I have not enjoyed this week at all, I've been feeling out of sorts and a bit stressed which leads to my anxiety taking over . I found myself questioning why once again people can be so thoughtless and mean at times, but one thing that has kept me feeling hopeful,  was seeing the amount of people sending love to Smiley's family and sharing the stories of how he has helped so many people. Once again it is the love of an animal that gives so many people comfort. It also does good understand that for every mean person there are dozens of kind people like Joanne who rescued Smiley and gave him a happy home.

It is also amazing how dogs can adapt - we can learn so many lessons from them to help ourselves

For Dogs do not dwell in the past, they live only in this moment

Thank you Smiley for making so many people happy. Run free at the bridge xxx

You can support the work that dogs like Smiley do, by purchasing a special charity t shirt here which is in tribute to him

Straight from the heart

This week has been Pregnancy and Baby loss awareness week. They say that 1 in 4 Women will experience a miscarriage at some time in their lives. I have had two.

An Ectopic Pregnancy is a life threatening condition that affects 1 in 80 pregnancies. I have had one.

These are the medical facts, that when you go the Doctors are coded in your medical record, or when you go to the Hospital and as a female are often asked how many pregnancies you have had.

My heart, brain and the Mother in me, tell it to me differently. I have lost three babies. Three very much wanted babies. Babies that from the moment I found out where there, that I had names for, babies that I could not wait to see the scan pictures for, to share the good news with family and friends. Babies that whether they were a little girl or a little boy would have had an Everton kit bought for them. Babies that from the moment I found out about you, lived in my heart and that I had hopes and dreams for. Those babies are still in my heart and will forever have a place. What anybody who has been through this will tell you, is that that you never loose your Maternal instinct. It is not something that you can turn on and off like a switch. It is what it is and you learn to cope.

I am not alone in my losses. For pregnancy loss does not just affect one person, it affects the other person involved in that pregnancy too. The Husbands, Boyfriends, Partners, it affects them just as much too. Although for them, they often get forgot about. Which is sad because pregnancy loss is a bereavement just like any other loss. Please don't forget them in this they hurt just as much as the female does.

People find pregnancy loss a very difficult thing to talk about. It is thought of as a "taboo" subject and I truly believe that any words shared are not meant to hurt or make the recipient feel bad, but people are often cumbersome in their words, not knowing the right thing to say, and in some cases their words just bring hurt, anger and frustration in some cases even shame. The Miscarriage Association  started a campaign in August of this year focusing on this called "Simply Say" which focuses on this. As with anything in life, it's quite simple, be kind, show compassion. Sometimes, the easiest way is the best way, saying "I'm sorry".  I could share some of the stupid, insensitive things I have had said to me, but as I said,  I honestly believe people had the best intentions. That is why I am glad for campaigns like this as they raise awareness and make people think twice.

I will always write this blog from heart and I can truly say that going through these losses was hard, it hurt and whilst I often think I am "ok",  I can cope with this now, sometimes something will happen that completely floor you. Totally out of nowhere. For me that was tonight walking Loki and I was thinking of lighting my candle for the "Wave of Light". This is an international event which marks the end of baby loss awareness week, and millions of people light a candle for an hour to remember their losses and  it shows their solidarity with bereaved parents all other the world. It helps to know you are not alone.

So tonight you might see lots of candles and photo's on your social media, and this will be why. Be kind and be gentle, it is our way of remembering

I listed below some organisations that may help if you are going through this yourself or if you know somebody who might need their advice. I have ran the Great North Run for the Miscarriage Association and the Great Manchester Run for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust. It was my way of giving back to them for the help they provided (they get limited funding) and they lobby too, to try and make changes. For example not every hospital offers a Bereavement Service for baby loss. I felt lost and alone when I was diagnosed with Ectopic Pregnancy and got all my advice from their website and helpline. The same when I lost my second baby at three months. The Miscarriage Association were amazing. Now the Women's here in Liverpool have a great support service called the Honeysuckle Team. There was a debate in Parliament this week about this and why there is not equity across the UK.  Please if you can give them your support

Sending much love to my friends that I know are feeling sad tonight too - I am thinking of you x

I write this and light my candle tonight for Liam, Erin and Seamus xxx

Organisations that can help: 

The Miscarriage Association

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Aching Arms

SANDS

Honeysuckle Team Liverpool Women's